Today's Post

Have you noticed it too? Women (the group as a whole) have the absolute WORST self-esteem. It’s ridiculous. And I’m starting to wonder if we’ve done it to each other.

I’ve been a photographer for long enough to have the client who doesn’t like it when she smiles “like this” or whose ankles ‘need to be hidden’ because they’re so huge. (They weren’t ‘huge’ and the other woman’s smile was authentic, lovely and drew others into it.)

What made them think they weren’t enough? What happened?
I’ve thought about this LONG & HARD.

There are the OBVIOUS media issues (which by the way… are outside of my influence.) I can’t control what goes on the cover of the latest fashion rag and I certainly cannot direct the attention of every woman, teen, tween & tot away from the periodicals that plaster the supermarket check-out line. Must start smaller.

What about us – the girls whose self-esteem suffers because of our fashion/beauty inundated lives? Yeah. I think this is where I should start. How do we treat ourselves? How do we treat one another?

I've been fortunate to have had some VERY good friends in my life. I learned very early that it is not about the quantity of friends - but the quality of friends. Often, this realization results in fewer friends and more meaningful friendships. What I'm talking about are the friends who know you're hurting. They drop what they're doing and walk right through your front door (without formality) and into your room to dry your tears and talk you out of your own head.
These are the friends who are comfortable - they know they belong. You know they belong. They've probably seen you in your pajamas a number of times. They know what your house REALLY looks like. They know which cupboard you keep the Advil and they know they don't have to ask for some. When you're happy and excited, so are they. When you're down and troubled, they're worried and prayerful.

But not all women are like this.

So what's up with the snarky behavior out there?

They hide behind the guise of constructive criticism. They smile to your face and scoff once your back is turned. The gossip, the jealousy, the venom – and some of the women are encouraging this behavior by listening to the gossip, rationalizing the jealousy and smearing the venom around.

Women don’t need this. We don’t need this. It’s hard enough as it is. And that brings me to this thought. What the !$%*& is with these "types" of women!????

I guess no one ever told them.

I guess no one ever told them that being a woman is a very special thing. Women are strong, powerful, intuitive, soft, gentle, knowing. If ladies would drop the jealousy and stop being snarky, they could bind together and actually MOVE some freakin' mountains.

 Women have the ability to nurture to the point of healing. (I see it ALL the time. I overhear some of the conversations my daughter has with friends who have called in tears, only to hear them laughing in a mere three minutes. I've been in a group of women who rallied around a shy woman who was new to town, didn't know a soul. We sat in a restaurant and visited for hours about kids, husbands, life, clothes, etc. When we left, this newbie had three new friends of whom she's kept in contact with and this was over a year ago!)

This is the stuff we are CAPABLE of. This is what we could BE.

This is the stuff that feeds us.                                                                            It feeds us to provide it.                                                                                       It feeds us to receive it.

It's as simple as giving a knowing smile to the mom in the grocery store with the toddler having a tantrum instead of shooting hate rays at her through your eyes. It’s complimenting the woman who stands in front of the mirror in the department store bathroom – reflecting her disgust back at the mirror. It's leaving some flowers on the doorstep of a woman battling depression because you know that she's not up for answering the door and feigning hospitality. It’s greeting your daughter excitedly when she arrives home from school because EVERYONE should have someone who is THRILLED to see their face.

I am a photographer. But I don’t want to photograph fashion models & movie stars. It accomplishes nothing. I want to photograph the women I just described. The exhausted mom is my ideal client. I want to photograph how I see the woman who hates her reflection – she NEEDS to see herself through my eyes. I want to capture the smile that lives within the sad. I want to show your daughters how to look at themselves so that our future grand-daughters grow up loving themselves instead of picking apart what they assume are flaws. This is my mission. We need a new mirror. We need to reflect something beautiful and real. And when we enhance ourselves, let it be because we already love ourselves.

Yes – I know. This is a mountain of issues. But we are women. We CAN move mountains. It's time for us to come to our calling. Love your tribe and lift your sister.

Love,
Jess




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